The proverbial brick wall has come up again in my war path. Whether it is with my career as a school teacher, my dream of a full time writer, my battle with the bulge, or my fledgling musical attempts, I am hitting that brick wall. Think of the Energizer Bunny who can’t turn down another path. He just keeps going forward, even when hitting something. It sets him back and instead of changing course, he continues to hit that which blocks his path with abandon. Yeah, I’m the stinking Energizer Bunny, but I’m not that cute and I’m loosing energy.
I have always been one to have several things going on in my life. Having two or three irons in the fire never seemed to appeal to me. The candle must be burnt at both ends to make the most of every breath God gave me. Yet somewhere along the way, I lost the passion for teaching or because frustrated with the lack of time to write, or ate because I could, or put the guitar down and wouldn’t sing. And when I become unhappy in one of these areas in my life, it spills over to my family: my husband and children.
Perhaps I’m not the only one in this sinking boat. So what does one do in this position? To be quite honest, I noticed that because of my discontent, I stopped talking to Him. I clammed up, ashamed that I am not able to handle all this stuff. All the goals and deadlines I had are faltering. But God, I was going to do all this for you! So that You can use me to speak life into others. King Jesus, I am tired of the mundane life and the routine so if there are other things I can do on top of what you already have me doing, then perhaps something spectacular could happen. Perhaps I would be excited again about the day. Because if I get down to it, I’m not excited about waking up anymore. Dismal, yes. Honest, brutally.
So I started reading His love letter, seeking His face, missing His presence. I came upon the story of Joshua and the brick wall that stood before the promise God had for them. God promised, according to Proverbs 16:3, that when I commit my plans to the Lord, He will establish them. In other versions it says that those plans committed to the Lord will succeed. Thus, I lay my dreams at His feet. I lay my desires down in His lap. There are so many things I want to accomplish in this life. I am still asking Him to reveal my motivations for wanting to do all these things, and maybe that is why I am at this wall. I need to pause. Reflect. Why am I doing what I do? Why am I teaching if I have lost passion? Why do I want to write these Christian romance novels? Why am I trying to loose another 15 pounds? Why do I sing? If none of it is to glorify God then I don’t need to be doing it.
Back to Joshua, though. How did they get around the wall? That’s the funny thing about it. They didn’t get around it. They obeyed the Lord and the wall crumbled before them. So how do I remove this wall in front of me? How do you remove your walls? Simply obey the Lord in what He has for us right now. Perhaps He just needs you to be still and know He is God. Maybe the obeying for us comes in being faithful in the things we have committed to, being men and women of our word. Perhaps He wants us to stop and just praise Him. Since the Lord inhabits the praises of His people, and we want to live in God’s presence perhaps the wall is a chance to for to stop striving and just praise. For me, I need to stop complaining about what is going wrong and start praising Him for what is going right, because there is more right in my life then wrong.
Either way, this wall is a turning point in the story. Which way will your story turn? I’m looking at the walls infront of me as an opportunity to Praise the One who knows what is ahead and trust that as I obey Him in being faithful, those walls will come down.
I don’t know what You have in store for me or these ministries and passions You have put on my heart. But I know that You are God and I am not so I will rest in Your hands. Praise You for loving me despite my inadequacies and praise You for willingly leading me. Forgive me for being stubborn and trying to do things in my own power. Holy Spirit, continue to remind me that I am only strongest when I reside in You. Thank you, Father.
In Jesus name,
God bless y’all!